| You're frustrated. You dutifully follow Goal Setting
101advice, but it still seems that you lose sight of what you want and how
you'll get it. See if any of these common goal setting mistakes -
and how to correct them - are behind your frustrations. Make the
adjustment, and try again.
1 Hung-Up-On Goals - It's easy to get plugged into a goal, and
even though it's not working, you hang on to it out of sheer habit or
willfulness. That sets you up for procrastination and frustration.
Put things into a more simplified version by concentrating on the big
picture - the direction you want your life to go - instead of the specific
way to get there. Maybe the goal to own a Million Dollar house is
about wanting freedom and autonomy. Maybe the goal to write a NYT
bestseller is really about wanting recognition for your talents.
Focus on the feelings that you are after instead of the one-and-only way to get it.
2. Transparent Goals: If you examine your goals you may find
that you have no *plan* associated with your goal. Generally the
mistake here is that 'goals' and 'actions' have become confused.
Instead, think Goal, Strategy, Action. The Goal is the objective,
what you want. The Strategy is the overall way in which you'll
accomplish it. And The Action is the specific activity that is
required to achieve it (how you'll do it). Example: You might have big
picture goal of a healthier lifestyle. The strategy associated with that
might be to eat less and exercise more. The ACTIONS might be
"don't eat after 6:00 pm", and "walk 30 minutes after the
6:00 news every weekday."
3. Contradictory Goals. This is a common mistake in goal
setting--two or more goals with opposing results. Marriage counselors see
it a lot in people who want the benefits of being married without giving
up the single lifestyle. Or maybe you have a goal to spend more time
with your family, but you have a job you want to do well at that require a
lot of face-time. Contradictory goals
will frustrate you to no end, because you've given yourself an impossible
task. Evaluate your goals in light of their relationship to
each other.
4. False Goals: These are goals that involve chasing money,
approval of others, etc. If you want to become a doctor just to win
the approval of your parents, that's a false goal. If you want to be Super
Mom just to please your husband, that's a false goal. You may even
succeed at getting your degree, or being a Martha Steward wannabe, but
you'll never be happy with your decision. It's not YOUR goal. "Shoulds"
are usually someone else's idea of a life for you. If you find that
you can't accomplish anything on your goal, it may be that it's not an
expression of the authentic you. Find the courage to tell the truth
about what you really want in your life.
5. Floating Goals - These goals are floating around in your head,
usually masquerading as a wish list. I call these floating goals,
because they're not rooted in reality. Writing down goals (and strategies
and actions) takes them out of the *wishing* category to the
"real" category. It's no longer just a pipe dream in your
head. It's a goal, with a strategy, and actions associated with it. You
know what you want, and you know how to get it. If it's written
down, you simply filter all decision (big and small) through your goals.
Does it contribute to my goal or contaminate it? Example: You
have a goal to write a best selling romance novel, with a strategy of
writing one
chapter each week for 36 weeks, and your action is to spend 1 hour per day
towards each chapter. If you don't schedule - AND PROTECT - that 1
hour each day, it's more than likely that you'll get to the end of each
week wondering why you didn't get more done.
6. Blind Goals -- No matter how nicely laid out the
goals, strategies, and actions are, if you don't SEE them and review them,
and let them become part of who and what you are and do, on a daily basis,
you'll lose track of them. The job, the errands, the latest TV show,
worrying
about money, worrying about kids, worrying about the economy will all
crowd out your time, thoughts, and energy. They may remain in the
back of your mind, but uou won't gear your life towards them. Post
them on the fridge, in the car, on the back door, on the bathroom mirror,
anywhere that you'll see them regularly.
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Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach, helps people set priorities and
goals, take actions, make changes, and reshape their lives. She is
the author of an Ebook and several Email Coaching Programs available at www.reallifecoach.com,
call 480.998.5843.
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